My brain decided to stage a triple feature last night. All I wanted was some rest. Instead, I got guilt produce, beach disasters, and my mom with a medieval haircut.
🗓️ Dream Date: August 2, 2025
Here’s the lineup:
🥑 Dream #1: The Avocado and the Vanishing Basket
I’m at Trader Joe’s (maybe?), carrying a basket like a responsible shopper. I grab an avocado—only to remember I already have plenty at home. Growth, right?
So I go to put it back, but then… I can’t find my basket. Just gone. Abandoned. Like maybe it never existed. Classic dream move. I’m left wandering the store, unsure of what I’m even doing anymore. Just me, an avocado, and the crushing realization that I’ve lost something important and I’m not even sure what it was holding.
🌊 Dream #2: Beach Explosion and the Filthy Leg Panic
Cut to someone’s apartment near the beach. We hear an explosion, then see smoke rising a few hundred feet away like this is totally normal beach behavior.
I realize I don’t have my car. My mom and sister are there. I ask if they can give me a ride, and my mom jokingly implies there’s no room for me because of the car seat (??). My sister offers to let me book her on Uber and says she won’t charge me. Cool cool cool. So I just request a regular Uber since I can’t figure out how to request her.
Except I miss the Uber. My phone’s on Do Not Disturb since it’s late, and by the time I check, the driver’s bailed. I’m stranded. Also, my legs are filthy. Like caked-in-dark-dirt filthy. I try to clean them, but it won’t come off. I start spiraling, thinking the place I got food from earlier probably thought I was homeless.
(Real-world context: I went to Warped Tour recently and had the exact same dirt-caked sunscreen legs as everyone else. Apparently my subconscious turned that shared experience into a shame spiral. Fun.)
✂️ Dream #3: The Haircut
Back to a house—wedding prep energy. My mom shows up with a haircut that can only be described as Friar Tuck cosplay. Bald on top, hair in a ring. Like she time-traveled from a Disney Robin Hood fan con.
We’re all pretending it’s fine. Someone (maybe me) says, “Well… your head must feel really cool now.”
I woke up relieved I didn’t have to lie to her face about it in real life.
🧠The Analysis
(ft. ChatGPT, aka my dream therapist who works for free)
Let’s see:
- Avocado guilt + lost basket = Letting go of something unnecessary and then realizing I’ve misplaced something I actually needed. Sound familiar? Maybe it’s trust. Or my sense of structure. Or my fucking basket.
- Beach explosion + DND Uber fail + dirty legs = Feeling stranded, overlooked, and self-conscious. That “you should have it together but you’re a goddamn mess” energy.
- Friar Tuck hair = Once again, me trying to manage someone else’s emotional reality so things don’t get awkward.
Honestly? These dreams might be subtweeting my entire past life. But also… they’re funny. And weird. And if this is how my subconscious processes stuff now, I’ll take it.
See you next time, when my brain inevitably turns a casual laundromat trip into an existential crisis.